How to Get Your Ex Back - First Steps to Get Your Ex Back
You need to understand your emotions. Get your emotions under control during and after a breakup. This is your start down the path of learning how to get your ex back.
You have suffered loss and you are grieving. It is similar to the grieving you go through after the death of a loved one. There are five stages to the grieving process that you will experience that we will discuss.
The way you deal with the breakup of a relationship is similar to the way you deal with death. When your relationship ended your ex did not die. They are still around for you to talk to and interact with. This complicates the grieving process.
Because your ex is still around and life goes on, new things happen. The factors of your relationship with your ex can change. The way you deal with your breakup can also change. The fact there is a possibility for you and your ex to get back together also affects the grieving process.
Despite the differences, as you go through your breakup you will also go through these five stages of grieving. Knowing more about these grieving stages will help you get through it. You will be much better equipped to make better decisions and steer yourself in the right direction.
The Five Stages of Grieving
Everyone responds differently to grief. Though there
are five distinct stages, you might not experience all five stages. These five stages are not
absolutes. You might not go through each stage, one to five, in order. You could also bounce
back and fourth between stages until you finally reach acceptance.
It is hard to say how long you will grieve. It is common for someone to spend months grieving. Longer if you are suffering from major depression.
1 - Denial
You have trouble accepting what has happened. This
is when you really start to realize that something is not right. You might think things will
work out on their own. You do not want to think about whether you are being cheated on. You may
even be lying to yourself.
You might deny that your relationship is ending for any number of reasons. Sometimes you cannot know what to expect until more time has passed. You might be too afraid to face the problem and choose to ignore it.
Once you do decide to deal with the problem and talk about it with your partner, there may still be a delay in action. An ongoing period of denial. Searching for an answer, a way to save your relationship.
This is also when you are likely to make unwise choices. You are not thinking clearly; you cannot, you are in denial. You must allow yourself to let go and move through the grieving process. Then you will be in a much better place to reassess your situation and take your next step.
2 - Anger
You might get angry because you messed up, or because
life is not fair. You may be jealous, which can easily lead to anger. There are lots of
triggers which can cause you to get angry at a time like this. It is normal. Be careful how you
deal with your anger!
Do not keep your feelings bottled up. You need to express your anger - just be careful how you do it.
The important thing is to recognize that emotions are part of being human. Going through a difficult breakup is going to be an emotional experience – very much part of the human experience. Dealing with your emotions well is what will greatly determine your success in all things. You need to deal with your anger rather than suppress it. And you need to find healthy ways of dealing with your anger.
3 - Bargaining
Another stage of the grieving process you will go
through is known as bargaining. This is when you try to make deals or compromises. You might
promise your lover that you will make more time for them. You might promise your undying love.
It could be any number of things that you do to try to stop the breakup.
You will most likely be acting out of desperation, and will not have much luck fixing your relationship this way. Not if you are still grieving.
4 - Depression
Sooner or later you will become depressed and maybe
even despair. You begin to wonder why it had to end, what you might have been able to do to stop
it. Will you ever meet someone that is right for you? You do not know what to do with yourself
This is when it is most important to hang on. Take care of yourself. You will be more tired than normal, so make sure to get plenty of rest. Eat healthy and keep fit. Seek out good friends and family. People who are supportive are very helpful.
Be sure to deal with your feelings head on. The depression will pass.
5 - Acceptance
Eventually you will be able to accept and deal with the
situation. This does not mean that you will not be friends with or even get back together with
your ex at some point.
But it does mean that you are no longer losing sleep over it, thinking about them constantly and just dominated by your loss. You can move on. Moving on does not always mean moving on to someone new.
Until you come to the point of acceptance it will be a great deal more difficult getting what you want. It will most likely be hard even knowing what you want before your head has cleared.
The Biggest Challenge
What is the most difficult stage to deal with? A poll of 4,486 people showed that depression is the most difficult to handle.
Are you having trouble with depression? You can get help with how to deal with depression so you can get past it.